"To love another person, is to see the face of God"
It's crazy to think that only one week has pasted since last time I wrote. Time somehow seems to go really slow but insanely fast at the same time. I find myself thinking in the morning that the day will never end yet somehow come the end of the day I haven't even done everything I had wanted to do.
This week has really been a roller coaster of experiences. My first emotional break down occured on Saturday...i did pretty good, almost two weeks in and this was my first. But it was interesting why it occured. Every Saturday we go to the Teaching Resource Center where we practice teaching lessons and contacting people. That means the first half in Japanese and then we were able to teacht the lesson in English. Volunteers come into help be the ïnvestigators" and they are usually members of the church. However, this time my companion and I ended up with a girl who was not a member and was from Tawain and spoke better Japanese than English. Little to say, we were kinda nervous that our first time teaching the gosple was actaully a real scenario and not a member of the Church. We prayed that everything would work out as our Elders made fun of us cause we kept repeating, "she's a nonmember and doesn't speak very much English". So in we went, apologized for our awful Japanese and started our lesson. We knew it was gonna be hard when she didn't know what a prophet was or what agency was or some of the basic terms that we automatically thought she would understand. Diashippai on our part. We knew she wasn't so much interested in what we had to say because from the very beginning when we asked her what she expected to get out of our meeting she said she was just there to help. So it was kinda like talking to a brick wall that just shook her head occasionally. When we got to the Joseph Smith part of the lesson, it was my turn to bear my testimony of this event and being the Spirit weeper that I am, started crying. I felt the Spirit so strong in what I was saying. I told her about how important it is to pray to God to establish a relationship with Him and to allow Him to work in your life and when I asked her if she would pray she said, "maybe, probably not." and that broke my heart. We closed the lesson and went back to class. Our teacher gave us some feedback and all I felt like doing was crying. Why? I didn't know right then. She kept telling us that it went fine and that we did our best. I finally lost it completely and probably cried the hardest I have ever cried. And then it hit me why I was crying. I didn't realize it then but the minute I walked into that room, I loved that girl and I saw her the way God sees all of His children and my heart ached for her. I wanted so badly for her to see that we weren't just pretending and saying these things cause we were told to but that we meant what we said and that the gospel could make her life so much better than it already was. My teacher shared a scripture with me found in 2 Nephi 33:34. (look it up) lt pretty much said that even the prophets cry for the people and how they reject the truth. I experienced how hard this mission was actually going to be. I didn't even know this girl yet I loved her so much and wanted the world for her and it broke my heart knowing that she did not see the value in what I was teaching her. I knew from that moment that I was going to have no problem loving the people of Japan. And I knew that so much heart break was in my future.
The rest for the week went fine and on Tuesday has Rosemary Wixom of the General Primary Presidency come and speak to us. Her message was wonderful and something I pulled out of it was that we as missionaries are not teaching new information to these people. We are just helping them remember what they already knew in Heaven. People know this gospel already, our job is to just open that spot in their heart up where they have stored that information.
One thing about the MTC that I find to be quite entertaining that I am discovering happens is that emotions and change of attitude came change frequently. For example, take this moment in my life that happened yesterday. I was sitting in class and we were talking about having the Spirit with you and having him direct your paths in all things and having him tell you what to say and do. My companion and I were getting really discouraged because in class we do Mogi’s (or pretend teaching) where we will teach our companion something and then they teach it back. After wards we are suppose to follow up by answering these questions: Did my investigator (my companion) feel the Spirit? Did I follow the Spirit while teaching? And yeah I feel the Spirit I’m at the MTC but I have never felt like I had the Spirit telling me what to say or what scripture to read. And I was frustrated and didn’t know how to fix that. I wanted to go home. This was too hard and I was done being a missionary. How could I take this glorious message that I love so much and convince people to believe it and come to know of it’s certainty. Too hard. I was done. Packing my bags and coming home. Fast forward 20 minutes. I found myself looking out the window watching the world carry on and thought, “There is no other place I would rather be right now.” Constantly I am over-comed with thoughts and emotions of how amazing a mission is. And how I wouldn’t want to be any place else. How lucky am I that I get to tell people about Christ and His gospel and how it will so benefit their lives. I love my work! I am so glad I was called on a mission and pray that everyone who does have the opportunity takes it and runs with it. I am constantly telling my companion how I wish everyone could be in my shoes right now.
To answer your question about if I finally resolved my concerns and frustrations about having the Spirit with me and having it work through me, the answer it yes. I got it later that night. We were sitting in class talking about this same thing again. I was starting to get discouraged again thinking that this was impossible and that I would never happen. Then we watched a movie clip from a talk Elder David Bednard gave at a MTC fireside. It went like this: If you are worried about not always having the Spirit with you or having it in the moment when you need it to be there I tell you, Quit worrying about it. It will be there when you need it. I promise you in the name of our Lord Savior Jesus Christ that your steps will be guided. Your mouth will be opened and in most instances you will have no idea why or how you got there. Sometimes you have no idea why you do somethings. The Lord does. You may not even know when you are having those Spiritual impressions.” Bam. It hit me pretty hard. And then our teacher asked us this question: “what does it mean to recognize and follow the Spirit through your teaching?” and just as if someone was giving me the answer the words came to me “it means being a missionary and everything that that entails. I means doing what is right and what you are suppose to do.” Answers to my concerns. If I am being who I was called to be and doing everything I can, the Lord will provide and I will have the Spirit when I need it the most. It’s funny because then we had to Mogi again and this time I found myself telling my investigator the exact things that I needed to hear. The Lord works in mysterious ways.
I have said too much but my heart is full of gratitude and humility for this wondrous thing I have been blessed with. It’s humbling to know that God trusted me enough to send me in His place. What a great calling I have. I know that God is the Almighty Creator. I know that He is mindful and aware of His children. He loves them and will not lead them astray. He has lifted me in my weakest moments. God will not leave us alone but will let us struggle in our trials so we can learn for ourselves. He is wanting to bless His children but will not do so until we let Him in. I am continually reminded of His mercy in my life and how much He has blessed me. I love Him and am so blessed to be one of His chosen servants to help spread this gospel to all parts of the earth. I found myself lying in bed one night thinking about the day I would be released and I started to cry knowing that there would be a day that I could no longer wake up and put on my black name badge that bears the name of the Savior. How I love and cherish that badge. I already know that it is going to be one of the saddest days of my life and I will cry harder when the missionary mantle is taken off of me than when it was placed on me. I am moved thinking of what I am taking part of and thank God everyday for this opportunity. I love where I am and what I am doing. Go forward with faith and press onward.
Ai- Stevenson Shimai
Riley's Letter
"Bubba Gump Shrimp Comp' ny"
I had a way good week. The MTC is so awesome, i love being a missionary. i love how that we can take so much time to just study and learn the gospel. i get so much out of it. last saturday my companion and i taught our first lesson at the trc. it was good. it was really fun, i really like teaching. we did really well together, it was fun. we teach again next tomorrow so that should be interesting. but i love learning the gospel and i love teaching it. teaching is such an art form that i cant wait to master. we went to the temple this morning so that was really good. it is cool having natalie in there becasue we always talk to each other in the celestial room. its cool because we used to do that with you guys and now its just us. natalie always gets emotional in the room because she says how much it makes her miss you guys. i guess i agree to but honestly the only thing that i really miss is hawaii, sorry guys. but i am doing well, i love seeing the hawaii guys here. i love that place and it miss it a ton. but i realized that i am not going to be on a mission forever so i need to take advantage of every moment, live in the moment, and just be positive and learn. because hawaii has made me realize that everything is better in 20/20. like there were days in hawaii where i wish i was home but now looking back i would love to re-live hawaii again. so its the same thing with being on a mission. there are times when it is tough but i know that i will look back and my mission and want to re live every moment of that, so i know that making the most of every moment will be the best in the long run and in the short run. i also realized that although there are struggles and thats what makes you learn and grow as a missionary, i realized that you do not have to be saddened by those struggles. as a missionary you have every reason to be happy so no matter what i am going to choose to be happy all day every day. i figure thats the best mindset. learning how to be happy thorugh your struggles will make you a way better missionary and person. its all about perspective. of course you are going to get discouraged if you dwell on the hard times and that we still have two years to go but if you look for the small victories, making it thorugh just one day at a time then everything will be alright. i also realized from the firseide on tuesday that we are never a lone. we will always have christ with us at all times. so that message brings comfort. i have learned how powerful this message is. between the knowledge of the book of mormon, the restoration, god's love for us and the atonement, all that has enough power to change anyones life and give any one hope. i am really excited to go out and share that message with the people of japan. and it doesnt matter that my language will not be very good for a long time because the language is not what teaches people. you will not be able to reach someones heart with your fluency level. it is all about the spirit. so yes, i am and i will continue to try my very best to learn the language but i will not stress over it becasue i need to focus on always having the spirit to be with me because that is the real teacher. i need to be able to teach with the spirit. my comp and i were talking about how much we have already learned and we have only been here for life two weeks, so we are excited to see how much we will learn by the time we leave here. life is good at the mtc.
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